Am I a Writer? .. Some Self-Reflecting

Sometimes I sit and wonder why I decided to get into this blogging thing in the first place. When it seems that I really am just making a glorified journal that people may, or most likely may not be reading. Maybe it's because I have some sort of aspirations to do some type of writing? Maybe I feel like my voice needs to be heard and this is the only way I know how to make that happen? Maybe it's just because I'm bored? I really can't give any honest answer to this. But.. that doesn't stop me from thinking about it.

Come to think about it, I have had a thing with writing and words every since I was a kid. I remember always writing these little stories when I was young about anything and everything. When I was ten years old, there was this one in particular that I just wrote for the sake of writing. I had brought it into school to show my teacher, and although it had sort of a darkish tone to it, I remember her liking it and being impressed. Too bad I don't have that notebook anymore.

Throughout my high school years, my ability to put words together seemed to prove itself well in the good grades I received on essays and anything that required me to write my thoughts or ideas about a certain thing. I remember not even worrying when going into final exams in high school when essay questions would be my given task simply because I knew that I was able to fabricate an answer some way or another with my words. When I think about it now, I never thought I had any sort of talent. In my mind I simply thought "Great! Essay questions! I can BS my way out of that one!"

It's crazy how much your perspective on things can change over such a short period of time. It's been just shy of ten years since I left high school and I see things so differently now. Over the past couple of years, I've had these crazy thoughts that maybe I was meant to be some sort of writer? Maybe I should have gone to school for journalism instead of ancient history? I did my four years at university and achieved my honours degree and I am proud of it. I loved the program I took along with each and every single one of my classes. So why am I second guessing things now?

Sometimes I think that maybe I should take some online courses in journalism to get some extra schooling, but the money isn't there for anything like that. Sometimes I have ambitious thoughts and think I should just go ahead and write a book. But what about? The hardest thing for me is to actually think about something to write about. But, once I think of said thing, I can just keep going and going. I also think I fear rejection. I've never been a good one for self confidence, so maybe, just maybe, this blog is like my stepping stone in an attempt to do some writing while hiding behind the privacy of this screen in front of me. Even after reflecting while writing this piece, I am still not sure what my intentions are for this blog, but I do know it's working for me. I can write about what I want, when I want and I am loving it. I can only hope that I am able to progress enough in my writing over time to be able to drag in interest so that people will actually be waiting to see what I am going to write next. All in due time right?

Comments

2 Responses to “Am I a Writer? .. Some Self-Reflecting”

Rachel said...
September 17, 2009 at 1:54 PM

First, thank you for commenting on my shamelessly promoted phones post from 20sb.
I can really relate to a lot of what you say about writing. In high school and even in college I never worried about papers because writing them always came easily. For me, the problem was "I can write a B+ paper much, much easier/faster than anyone else, but I will rarely do the little extra effort it would take to get that A- or even A"

I am also trying to figure out what to do with writing, since I'm kind of stuck career wise right now, and blogging seems like a good escape. I was just saying to my friend yesterday that the only thing I'm really trying to do right now is to get people to read my blog and produce something actually worth reading. In between avoiding having to answer the phone, of course.

basiabanana said...
September 17, 2009 at 7:16 PM

I found your blog through 20sb and I can totally relate to what you're saying, especially the essay questions...it was the math questions that were the problem! =) I ended up going into journalism, but honestly I graduated recently and I can honestly tell you that, if you are passionate about writing, you can do it even without a degree..it's the experience that counts more than anything (the portfolio) and an internship at your favorite newspaper or magazine is always an awesome way to start and meet people..I spent four years in school and WISH i had taken something else - like history! lol What I find funny about wanting to be a writer is other people's reactions..they will say, "Why don't you just write a book?" lol..As if it's just that easy. I like the writing in your blog =)