Worried Over Christmas

Lately I've been having a lot of trouble focusing. Let it be at work, or home. I've noticed that even my riding hasn't been top notch the last little while. My mind has been racing in attempt to figure out the cause of this and I think I finally know why. Or maybe I should say, I've finally been able to find it in myself to admit why.

My name is Laura.

It is coming close to holiday season, and...

I am in debt.

Like major debt.

I have been in debt for a while now, (as in more than my car and mortgage) but I was managing. Things only really seemed to get worse when Piper got sick. It was such an emotional time for me not only just because my pet was REALLY sick, but also because in order to make him better, I had to dig my hole deeper and deeper.

Now I'm not looking for any kind of pity party here. I'm just using this blog of mine to vent a bit while thinking via typing as to what I'm going to do to fix this. I've been on my own in this big house for almost three years now and although it's been tough, I've been managing. I only have a few more months to go until C hopefully finds his dream job and can move in, so I know I will manage until then. It's just extra hard right now because we're creeping up on holiday time. I love Christmas time! I love decorating my house and giving my loved ones amazing gifts!

Rewind 2 years, right about this time of year... I'm single, working on getting over the devastating end to my engagement, wondering what my first Christmas would be like alone in my first home. It was at that time that no matter what, I was going to make sure I was going to have a fantastic Christmas. I would decorate my house as much as I wanted, however I wanted, and not let anything get me down. I've spent two Christmas' in my house so far and loved having my own tree and decorations. I'm kind of getting down on myself right now because due to the fact that I am in some major debt, I've actually been having thoughts that I might not be able to get my Christmas tree this year!

I've had a real Christmas tree every single year since I was born and it's actually killing me a bit inside to think that it just might not happen this year. I realized today that I just might have to improvise, but deep down am hoping that I can really do it. Perhaps I'll be able to find a little evergreen in a pot that I can decorate and then attempt to keep alive long enough to plant in my yard next year? Or maybe I'll luck out and find a real one for REAL cheap somewhere? (It cost me $40 last year! Ouch.) It's actually scaring me because this Christmas might actually really be different. I know it's just a tree, and family and friends should be what matters during the holidays, but there's definitely still that little girl inside of me that NEEDS my tree!

On the positive side of things, I've decided that I'm going to try and use my craftiness to make some very affordable gifts for my loved ones. I've been having fun searching the web to try and figure out what to make this year. Hopefully everyone loves the finished products!

For interest sake, here's my very first Christmas tree from my very first Christmas, in my very first, very own home. :)